Yoda Melvin / Statistic Spencer / Ego Ed

Yoda MelvinMan: Admit, I do. Unsuccessful with women, I was. Figure out why I could not. Until in a spaceship convention bathroom, told me my friend, 'Melvin, dandruff you have!' Girls don’t mind I assumed. But unattractive, dandruff is. So Head & Shoulders I bought. No longer a problem dandruff is. Little black book, I acquired. Fill it with many phone numbers, I will. MVO: You’ve got bigger problems than dandruff. This message was brought to you by Head & Shoulders. Statistic SpencerMan: I once had dandruff that covered eight to nine per cent of my scalp. Four out of five girls I dated noticed my flakes within an average of 2.3 days. After some evaluation in a ten times magnification mirror, I came to the conclusion that this matter required resolution. I purchased a 14.2 fluid ounce bottle of Head & Shoulders Pyrithione Zinc Dandruff Shampoo. I washed my hair daily for 72 seconds with an 18ml application of Head & Shoulders. Then I’d rinse, and repeat. Then I’d rinse, and repeat. Then I’d rinse. My scalp is now exponentially healthier. If I were to ask a woman at random out on a date, there’s a 51.8 per cent chance she would respond affirmatively. Ah, give or take a two per cent margin of error.MVO: You’ve got bigger problems than dandruff. This message was brought to you by Head & Shoulders. Ego EdMan: I did not always looked this perfect, man. Uh uh. I once had dandruff. Yeah, I know. That must have been the reason that Vicki said no when I asked her out. Which is so sad, ya know, it’s just so sad to me, ‘cause she is just so superficial, ya know? But whatever, she was ugly. And then when that stupid chick Anna wouldn’t go out with me, I realised it’s got to be my flakes, ‘cause it’s not my looks and it’s not my bank account. So I got Head & Shoulders. Picked up a couple of dozen bottles, I don’t care. Stored some in the walk-in closet of my guestroom, next to my protein shake powders. ‘Cause you know, I’ve got the room. I’ve got the disposable income. I just don’t have the time right now. The dandruff was like ridiculously easy to get rid of. But now I cannot wait for Vicki and Anna to try to get back with me, you know, ‘cause when they do, I’m just gonna have to laugh at them. I’m just gonna have to be like, 'Sorry ladies, that ship has sailed.'M206VO: You’ve got bigger problems than dandruff. This message was brought to you by Head & Shoulders.